Self Care
It took my car to go kaput this week for me to really reflect on this concept of self care and what that meant. Who would have thought a broken down car would make you reflect on that? I sure didn’t. But now, the irony of it isn’t so ironic. (Cue Alanis Morissette’s song: Ironic). It just doesn’t take navigating a TBI to reflect on this— this is the reality of the hard moments in life.
Let me introduce you to a gal named Liebe. In those early moments navigating my husband’s accident, she really showed up as my self care cheerleader. In those first days being back at home, my husband, Chase, was in a lot of pain. A dear friend texted me about Liebe and her new spa that had just opened up, Salt of the Earth and encouraged us to check it out. I didn’t know what to expect but the first moment we met Liebe she looked us both in the eyes and said “my place is your place, and I’ll be here every step of the way– let's help you feel better.” Deep down, I took that message for Chase, but looking back, that message was for me too. Sure enough, Salt of the Earth became our home 2-3 times a week for a couple hours a day for months. Not only did Liebe have two beautiful salt rooms to provide halotherapy, but that very week we visited she was getting installed a zero gravity dry float bed. Think of it as a warm (body temperature) waterbed that you drift into sensory deprivation (see below). It gave Chase an additional space outside of his daily post-hospital rehabilitation therapy to help him during his recovery. In the very overstimulating world a brain can feel post TBI, this “unconventional” therapy I truly believe was instrumental in those early weeks for him.
As we were learning what time was the best amount for Chase to float, Liebe graciously let me sit in the cave for some halotherapy. Liebe knew I wouldn’t do this willingly on my own, so she made sure I did it without realizing it was an opportunity to take care of myself. I quickly realized the salt cave became my place of refuge. Salt of the Earth didn’t become just “another therapy session” filled with notes, to-do’s, insurance calls… it became a healing place. It became a place to quiet my mind, calm my stress, and feel peace. I do not think in those early moments I could have acknowledged I needed just a few minutes to myself without feeling guilty. Sometimes you don't know where to start on taking care of yourself because your dedication is solely focused on your loved one. Thankfully for me, I had someone step in to make sure I took that time for myself and realize the importance of it.
It’s easy to say “I’m fine, it can wait… There are more important things that need to happen right now” especially if you are a caregiver— but I want to challenge you to reflect on “What does self care look like for me at this moment?”
Take my recent car debacle— the minute the check engine light was flashing at me and the “engine power reduced” message came on my dash (yikes!) I went into problem solving mode. As I was sitting there waiting for the tow truck to come, it made me think “how often do I go into this kind of mode for myself?… If I were a car dashboard right now, what icons would be lighting up right now?”
The irony of my broken down car was that I was feeling the same way as my car was—a hot mess. I am still learning what it takes to be sure that my self care “tank” is filled before burn out happens (clearly) but I think we all are— and that’s ok! That’s my challenge to you—what steps do you feel you need to take in order to take care of yourself- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually?
Self care can evolve. What my self care looked like in those early days looks very different now almost 3 years later. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate or expensive ordeal (who knows, my car repair bill hasn’t come yet) 🤣 — but so often I think many of us use the word luxury in relation to concept of self care. It doesn’t have to be that way. Go take a walk. Take the yoga class (there is loads of research on the benefit of both of these activities!) Get your nails done. Be brave and book that darn therapy appointment you have been putting off. Book a spa day if that’s what you need right now! Put your favorite tunes on and just rest. Take a bath. Treat yourself to a good ol’ milkshake. Ask for help from your support system. For those who are supporting a loved one who may be facing a difficult moment in their life- how can you walk alongside them and support them? Sometimes those walking in the trenches may not know what they need, or know where to even start. Be a “Liebe” to someone- trust me… they’ll be so grateful when the fog settles down that you did it.
I hope you take the space today to ask yourself “What I do need?” before all those icons on your mental dashboard light up and the engine powering down message comes on. Life is too short to be running on empty.
In this together,
Katianne
