Pearls

I came across this article written by Lauren Stickland through the organization Palmer Home unexpectedly. My phone was probably being creepy and has heard me say the word resilience and before I knew it, the article popped up on my feed. In this instance, I was glad my phone was being creepy because it had to do with how pearls are made and how powerful of a metaphor of resilience it is. You can read the article here

I would be lying if I didn’t cry reading it because truthfully, I had no idea how pearls were made. My outlook on this beautiful gem has completely changed. After I read the article, I realized how relatable this is to the many of us who are trying to navigate the complexity and shock a brain injury is.  No one pearl is the same… and how true is that for brain injuries? My loved one’s injury is not going to have the same outcomes, or the same symptoms, as someone you may know or have experienced.  Each pearl is uniquely made under whichever stressor it was put under— the same goes for each individual story of someone experiencing a brain injury.

Here’s the nitty gritty and my key points I took from the article:

• Pearls are made in the presence of stress. Usually grit gets into the oyster shell to cause a disturbance and the oyster works hard to manage the stressor and protect itself. By protecting itself, it covers that painful grit by adding layers of nacre- which is how a pearl is made

• When you look at the intricacy of a pearl, it takes a very stressful situation in order to create something beautiful that often can take years.

  Since 2020, every fall, my husband and I, along with a few family and friends, participate in the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab Skyrise Climb. This is where we trek up 105 flights of stairs to the top of the Willis Tower to support this incredible organization. We do this to support the current and future families who are receiving care there. Shirley Ryan AbilityLab will forever be a part of us– and an organization we want to give back to. I cannot imagine where we would be without the incredible and innovative care our family received. Every step I climb I am just in awe of the incredible stories of resilience that are climbing up the stairs alongside me. It’s an emotional day for sure and every year I walk away from that event thankful and encouraged. 

Everyone at the Skyrise event has a story (not just TBI related) and everyone there is a part of someone's story.  I remember the first year we participated in the Skyrise event (it was the year of COVID and was virtual) we organized a  walk around our local park with close family and friends. At the end of our walk, I watched my husband carry our son, Caden, and thought how hard he fought to make that happen. 6 months before this moment, I would have never imagined we would be where we were. As he crossed the street, I thought back to the moment of him trying to negotiate with his physical therapist to be able to carry more weight at therapy “because my son is a chub and I want to hold him.” (cue the tears)

Although, I will say, I feel resilience is the new “buzz word” ever since the pandemic. When you think of the word… what resonates with you? What moment in your life do you pair the word resilience with? I think this a difficult word to put an “one size fits all” meaning to… because I think everyone’s context and situation that required resilience looks different. My meaning of resilience no doubt changed and gained a deeper meaning after I had to navigate my husbands accident. When I thought long and hard of how to describe this word in my book to kiddos (and their loved ones) reading it, I wanted those to see the word resilience and see it as a mindset of adapting to a difficult or challenging life experience by never giving up. 

With the spunky “go get ‘em” message that resilience seems to portray… I feel it is so important to acknowledge that resilience isn’t an easy choice.  Resilience isn’t linear. It’s one hell of a crazy rollercoaster. Grief can creep in and be that “grit” that just won’t go away. A pearl takes years to form– and so may your resilience. Resilience is a mindset shift for those willing to make it.

With that I want to ask: 

“What layers (like the pearl) are you going to put on your “grit”? Will it be resilience? Will it be resistance/anger?”

One thing I’ve taken away from my experience is that the choice to be resilient is a tough one- but it will never steer you wrong. 

In this together,

Katianne